Child Abuse

Her mom thinks I am joking, but I am more than ready to kidnap her youngest child.

One more beating I have to listen to.... and yet it's not my role.
I can NOT listen to it. I CAN NOT abide by it. I MUST leave. But when I leave, what will happen? Will she stop beating them when they no longer have an audience of a "stranger"... will it be worse??

Either way, by leaving, am I doing anything good? Am I just hiding the situation from my own eyes?

I am VERY aware of the fact that I am a stranger, and an "audience". But, will the removal thereof do ANY good for the two children in question?

My uncomfortability is mine. I am VERY uncomfortable around children being spanked and yelled at. I was not the best parent, myself, having episodes of very psycho behavior including mood swings and yelling. I even hit my children occasionally. I am VERY sorry about that. I would have been SHATTERED if anyone would have taken my children.

What is the solution??? I don't know. The parent in question, I had never even met until a few days ago. Not my business. But when that two year old baby looks into my eyes with those beautiful brown eyes, WHAT do I tell HER???? 

Upcoming Holidaze

When I was thinking about the upcoming season, it occurred to me that it may not be the best timing to run my Florida errand, as it may be misconstrued by the family. I don't want that. 

Last year, a Facebook friend asked me to spend 2 weeks in Michigan with her. It was an unmitigated disaster. She and her son were both in profound depressions. I did not help the situation, and my moods suffered as well.

This year I have an invitation to spend the holiday season with a friend in Virginia near the Roanoke area.  After a bit of prayer, lots of meditation, and some VERY interesting Tarot readings, I am accepting the invitation. 

I have friends in the Carolinas as well as Georgia, who I hope to visit before I head to Virginia. If you are in that general area, and your schedule is amenable to a meeting during this time of year, please send me a message.

I will be heading to Florida in January. I like Florida in January, it was fun last year. January is a good month to be in Florida.  Love and LIghte!!!

Rest Area Chapter 1: Trip to Denver

I can't begin the story of the Rest Area without first telling the story of what lead up to it... and that began over a month previous to my leaving  Denver on a cold windy October Friday night. 

It was coming upon fall once again. I found myself in the Thurston County/ Olympia area after a quick trip to Denver and back with my best friend in August. In September came the news that I had lost the remainder of my possessions, including about 20 or so of my personal journals, all of my children's baby pictures, as well as parts of the book that I had written long hand during the previous spring and winter. 

It was all gone. But as much as I cried, the moisture of my tears couldn't ease the burning in my heart. I trusted that the man I was in love with would some how fix it all, but he didn't. 
Not only had he not fixed the legal matters we were involved in together, he broke my heart on my way out the door, saying that he knew that I never had the potential to be his soul mate. 

If he had spent the entire year and a half of our on-again-off-again relationship attempting to find something that could hurt me more than anything else, he couldn't have found a statement that would hurt me more.

I left town determined not to answer any of his text messages or calls. I made it four days. He pleaded with me to remain his friend. I am still ambivalent about that idea.

When I left town, I headed east. In the quiet of the early morning, I wound my way through the roads around the Cascade mountains and watched a beautiful sunrise with my puppy, Athena. 
I attempted to take in the beauty of the northwest that I was leaving, not sure when I would really return except to visit my adult children and their children.

I stopped at a friend's house in Idaho, but it wasn't much of a visit. Fortunately, she and I had visited a couple of times before this quick stop-over. I left for Colorado early the next day. 
When I drove through Utah I forgot about I-70 and the fact that their are no services aka no bathrooms for about 150 miles. Someone should warn disabled people not to travel that way from Utah to Colorado. 
For me, being someone with a very sensitive bladder (several surgeries), it caused me to get a speeding ticket on my first trip through in June, and a LOT of pain on this, my second trip.

By the time I got to my friend's home in Grand Junction, I was ready for a rest. I received a wonderful burst of energy via their wonderful princesses aka daughters.

I spent a couple of days with my family of friends in Grand Junction. They even drove us all up to Grand Mesa, where we took pictures of all the gorgeous autumn colors throughout the mesas. It was a day I will always treasure! 

Beautiful. Just gorgeous. Before this trip I had never realized that the desert changed colors with the seasons as much as a forest does. I had just never thought about it. 

My friends in Grand Junction said good-bye to me with hesitation, but they were aware that a friend in Denver had begged me to spend my birthday with her. I was on my way to do just that.

When I had put out on Facebook that I didn't know where I should spend my 45th birthday doing what, my friend Kim, in Denver who I had visited early in the summer, had posted "I don't have much, but I will share everything I have, come spend your birthday with me". So, I had planned out the trip to end up in Denver on October 19th, my 45th birthday. 

My second birthday as a single, homeless woman. A transient.

But I had friends. A friend had, in fact, invited me to spend time with her on my birthday. 

My birthday came and went, as any other day. The differences included that I went to sleep hungry, not wanting to venture out in the cold Denver night to my car, to the emergency food I had stored in it. I had already been admonished for drinking their milk, I wouldn't want to take any other food out of my friends' 15 year old child's mouth.

One other difference was the fact that the friend in question shared a blunt with me. But, in retrospect, she did charge me for that as well. 

My birthday was on a Wednesday, I was looking to leave around Friday for points southeast, but my friend kept insisting that I stay longer. When snow pummeled Denver on the next Wednesday, I again voiced my intentions to leave Thursday or Friday. Another friend of mine who I contacted, not wanting to leave the area without making such contact, informed me of a rally for a MMJ patient  in Colorado Springs. This seemed like a much better use of my time, than sitting on my bed in the middle of my friend's living room, so I agreed to meet in the morning to join the energies. 

Thursday, I was gone for most of the day with my other friends in support of medical cannabis patient, Bob Crouse, in Colorado Springs. His rights to use cannabis as medication were to be on trial. Once again, as I usually do during these gatherings of patients, friends, advocates and activists, I became re-energized. I remembered my goals.

We also touched base with the "Occupy Colorado Springs" movement while we were south of Denver. When I returned to my friends' house in Denver, I was not in the glum spirit that I had been feeling. I was back to wanting to change the world. 

That night  I slept a fitful sleep.  In the morning, I was to discover the reason. When I mentioned that I was still looking at leaving in the next few days, my friend stated to me that she wanted me to stay until I got my disability payment for the next month. She wanted me to pay for being there.

I was astonished, but not surprised. During my time there, I had come to understand that this friend of mine was still VERY embroiled in a self-destructive paradigm, being a chain smoker with pulmonary hypertension and a hole in her heart. She was also still wrapped in the cold comfort of pharmaceuticals: morphine, percocet and anti-anxiety medications while adding cannabis concentrates.  

Living out of her bed, she was a shadow of many of my memories. I wish her nothing but hope and health and love and lighte. 

I could not continue to exist there. My energy was overwhelmingly stifled. 
When she left that day to spend time with her family, I commenced  washing myself and my dog, then her bathtub, and packing up my bags and car.

I left a blank check with her teenage son, who had shared tears with me as I prepared to leave. I asked him to please remind her that I only have $850 each month to live on, but for her to please make the check for whatever she felt I owed her. 

With that, I took my puppy (who had her own issues saying goodbye to 5 other dogs), got in my car, and headed out to say goodbye to another friend before heading north. 

One Year In on the Pot Farm Facebook Tour

One year. 365 days. I have traveled a great deal in a year. I have meet many wonderful people. I haven't yet met all of those who have invited me to meet them. I haven't met nearly as many people as I desire to. But why? What is pushing me towards all of these beings? These beacons. My lighthouses.

I kept finding lighthouses in the people's homes who I was visiting. There were even a few cases in which the friend who I was visiting  had previously forgotten about the lighthouse printed on something, and denied their being one in the house.
The first stranger-friend (met within the game of "Pot Farm" on Facebook) who I visited had decorated her house with ceramic lighthouses of all sizes and types. They were beautiful. They reminded me of my grandma (who passed 18 years ago), and visiting the coast of Washington with her when I was a child. Wonderful memories.
My lighthouses followed me across the country, from Oregon to Wisconsin, to DC to Florida; they came to represent the beacons of light my friends are for me. Let your little light shine. More happy memories.
The not so happy memories of the last year: Loosing every bit of anything I had saved in my 45 years on this earth, including my journals and my kids' baby pictures; having my heart broken by my best friend; becoming truely homeless having absolutely nothing to my name besides a few suitcases of clothing and toiletries. Finalizing a divorce from my husband of 22 years, something I previously had never imagined I would ever do.
I don't consider living out of my car the times it was necessary as anything but what it has been: I have had fun camping with people and with my puppy. I have lived in a way that I was comfortable at the time.
My puppy. The first dog I have owned in my adult life. Athena Brooke was born on April 1, 2011, to a dog owned by a family of friends of mine while I was staying with them. She was one of a litter of five females and one male, who's mother Brandy, is a chocolate lab, and her father Rugar, is a blue pit bull. She looks like a black lab.... Silly dogs.
I have been in her life since the day she was born. She will be with me until one of us passes. I never thought I could have this much affection for an animal. It's pretty cool. I look forward to training her to work as a companion and certified service animal for me. She is already learning to know when I am not feeling well, and seeks to assist. Now it's a matter of teaching her what to do. I am looking forward to continuing to watch her grow and learn.
In the past year, I have seen places exhibiting beauty I have previously never even imagined. The sunny winter beaches of Florida, the desolate beauty of the Rocky Mountains, the powerful and immense waterfalls of Idaho and a sunset in in Arizona that took my breath away. From the never ending California highways to the gorgeous and deceptively solitary-appearing Olympic Forest in the back yard of the area I have lived for almost my entire life.
I long to see so much more. To continue to experience the beauty of this earth guided by the people who have invited me to their corner of this planet. Show me what you love about where you live. Please continue to share with me the beauty of you and the people around you.
My love and light goes out to the people who have, and continue to, share their love and light with me on-line. I haven't been the easiest of people to be friends with sometimes, I have many issues that I am continuing to learn from. I have been challenged with many lessons this past year from which I continue to learn and grow with the love and support from so many friends who have reached out to me on FaceBook. Thank you.
For the romantic interests... I have attempted not to tease. This has been a year of on again off again romance with my best friend. Unfortunately, when I have been attempting to free myself of a love for someone who does not return that same affection, I fear I may have trampled on a few hearts. For this I sincerely apologize. This was truly never my intention.
If I chose to spend time with you online or on the phone, I was there, at that moment, entirely. Unfortunately, a spark of hope kept reigniting every time I saw my best friend, thinking he may have fallen for me. It takes a long time to get over the person who opens the proverbial cage door.
I have, and will continue to follow my heart. I have yet to know where it will end up leading me. Please, be patient with me in this regard. I have a bit of healing to do after 22 years of marriage.
My never-ending love and light continues to shine on those who have shared with me so incredibly much: from a moment in a train station where a story was shared, to a couple of weeks in a spare room. All of my friends are very dear to me, their gifts to me I will treasure forever.
Thank you all; my lighthouses of hope for this world (well, at least for my little corner of it). 

Now I am heading out for another trip: to celebrate my 45th birthday. Happy Birthday to me. Look out world, here I come!

Father's Day

Wow, I had no idea what I was going to write about until I wrote the title to name the document.

Fathers day.

Father's Day 2009: Broke my heart, began my awakening, changed my life forever.

I need to respect the victim. So, I will not delve in to particulars. Those who were involved know who they are. The victim does not need to be victimized any further.

It took me 3 months to get myself off of the medications that my doctors had me on that had kidnapped my mobility and my mind. 

Fentanyl 100mg, brand name Duragesic, was the primary prescription. Then there were the additional meds just for the side effects of a narcotic that was 100 times stronger than morphine. Anti-depressants, anti-nauseants, anti-constipation meds....etc.

I went off of the fenantyl cold turkey; nearly dying, due to the fact that my husband repeatedly told me that he couldn't handle his own medications long enough for me to go to rehab and do it right. When I repeated what he said to the doctors in the ER, I was viewed as a junkie making excuses.

During the 3 weeks that it took for the primary withdrawals (symptoms and pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy), I was in the ER 3 times. 2 times by ambulance. 

It was a facebook friend who called 911. My husband, in the other room, didn't care enough to check on me to make sure that I was alright I am not certain what was in his mind at the time, but he didn't appear interested in my well being, or what withdrawal from a medication as strong as fentanyl can be. It can very often be fatal.

I had been first prescribed Duragesic on the Fall of 2002. I had lost my job only a month before I lost my "abilities". Isn't that what "dis-abled" means? My physician informed me that during the walk that I had taken with my family at the end of August (on fairly level ground, no more than a mile or so), was enough "gravity" to pull my bladder down once again. That was supposed to explain my pain. Truth be told, the initial injuries to that part of my body were made my my father when I was only an infant.

 In the months that followed, I had another bladder surgery, but that surgery left the two major nerves that pass over my pubic bone chronically inflamed. I was in agony.

The next five years were spent MAINLY in bed, on Fentanyl (it was at 100 mcg for over 20 months, only keeping withdrawals at bay.  That medication's effectiveness against pain always diminished within 3 months of a dosage change) and Percocet.

Then I started smoking marijuana for breakthrough pain.

My husband at the time did not approve. I smoked in "our" room. My bed, which in fact, WAS my home, was where I was "allowed" to smoke. If I did it when we were out, I had to take a walk around a building and hide. Even after I became "legal" with my medical card.

After I recovered from withdrawals (this took a few months), we began moving into a larger trailer, a double wide that we had decided to purchase from our neighbors.  Neither my husband or I were in physical condition to move, even across the street, but I treasured the long nights I chose to spend painting the walls of the new house with the music loud, only to feel like I was truly alone. It was a good feeling. This scared me.

After my husband and I moved into the new house, I was still unable to find my "place" in the house, other than in my bed. I didn't want to be in bed any longer, and the more I used marijuana for my pain and depression, the better I felt. I was no longer on any other prescriptions. I physically felt better than I had in years. However, every time my husband would lay down next to me, I prayed every night that I wouldn't wake up the next morning.

After I met my best friend in early March 2010, I found that wanted to wake up the next morning. When I discovered that feeling, it shocked me. Had I REALLY given up on life for that many months?! 

I remember walking away, leaving my husband, the day after Father's Day 2009. He txt'd me that he was having chest pains, so I returned. I never returned emotionally. On March 20, 2010, I finally left physically. It was the first day of the rest of my life.

I have never looked back since. Not to that man, that life, or that house. I left everything behind. He did what any hurt man would do - he attempted to hurt me with my "stuff," so I chose to let ALL my stuff go. That has been very difficult. 


My challenges I have made public, I know no other way to be. I seek to share my trials in the hopes that others will know they are not alone. Alone is a very sad feeling. Love and Light to all.

Empirical Evidence

THIS is what I was waiting for!
When I came to Sarasota, I had a RAGING tooth infection from a tooth that had broken at the gumline. It was swollen and all in all: NASTY! This was AFTER having completing a course of a VERY strong antibiotic which was given to me for the tooth as well as MRSA.

NOW, only after using the MMS for a couple of days... the infection has TOTALLY calmed down. No more swelling.

2) I have a "birthmark" that was "diagnosed" as "lymphadimoma circumscripta"... it looks like a bunch of lymphatic vessles that are on the surface of my skin, as well as blood. IT IS FADING!!!!  NOT ONCE in 35 years, has ANY doctor or ANYONE else been able to have ANY effect on it.

WOW. I am impressed. ALL of that... AND my pain is MUCH lower than I would have thought it was going to be!!!

I would give this to each and every person if I had the money to do so!!!

Cleansing

Wow.... this MMS thing really feels like it is working! I am amazed. For so long, I thought things like this were all just shams. Now, I am beginning to realize that all of the "mainstream" medication world IS the sham. It is my opinion that conspiracy theorists get a BAD name... 

Almost like people who smoke cannabis say regarding the paranoia and the fact that a cannabis smoker is arrested every 40 or so seconds! 

Companies such as Pfizer have a LOT of money to spend on, not only open and public press.... but also more subversive type material, meant to have us questioning our heart instinct.

I don't want to go into my theories just yet, but safe to say, if I had to go back and do it all again, I would NEVER allow my children to have any product from one of their companies, ESPECIALLY immunizations. That is ALL I will say for now.

My head is clearer than it's been in decades.... my heart is full of love and joy.... and my life is wonderful.  Love and Light to ALL!!!

If anyone is interested in reading about what I am doing: 

The Miracle Mineral Solution of the 21st Century 4th Edition

MMS Simplified for Newbies

The Hidden Cure: The Five Laws of Perfect Health

Understanding MMS: Conversations with Jim Humble DVD

Today IS the First Day of the Rest of my Life

Today IS the first day of my life. My NEW life. 

I began by yesterday starting to treat my body with MMS. It promises to clean out the toxins and infections in my body. I can feel it working it's magic... laugh... now with Gramma Maggic, I keep wanting to spell magic with 2 "g"s.... I digress.... 

ANYway..... I have been told that I write the way that I talk; so for now, that's how my blogs are written.

I decided today that most of my "in depth" observations on life will be made here, rather than Facebook. If people WANT to read it, they will know where to go. 

That being said; I am also going to delete my GmaMaggic account tomorrow. Anyone who wants to stay friends can friend Maggie... ME. 

With that announcement, I was shocked to feel the OUTPOURING of support for me! Nice. Felt wonderful!!!

The MMS is doing its job: the runs are weird... they don't burn like I am used to... I am SO looking forward to getting ALL of the crud out of my body. I even felt like fasting... weird because I don't give up food for NO ONE or NOTHING! Laugh... okay... maybe I do...

I decided before I got here that I would not use cannabis while I was here. Strangely enough, I am out. Good timing (yes that part was planned... lol). 

I didn't decide on the fasting until the nausea got the best of me.... laugh... but it's all part of the process.... 

I want to start anew. I want to be cleansed, revitalized... that is what this treatment is doing for the inside of my body. I am looking forward to Kalina working on the outside, so perhaps some of the pain can be controlled once and for all. 

I am looking forward to SO MANY THINGS in the next few months:  Cleansing, refreshing, manatees, the race... and my kids' birthdays, my divorce being final... Georgia... THEN DC on April 20. 

After April 20, I will head out on the road on 2 wheels. From that... who knows. 

I will allow my Creator and our Universe to guide me on my path