Journal Entry & Free write on Book Proposal Idea

23 November 2010

3:15 PM

It has taken me a while to realize or recognize, that I tend to feel guilty or out of touch with people. I need to try to split my time between spending time with people and seeing the world as well as spending time on the computer and writing about the experiences I am having.

I wish I had a tablet computer! It would make that part easier. But probably not, I enjoy typing. Must look into technology that would fit my lifestyle.

This is the difficult juggling act. This is the part I didn’t know if I could do. I have to , I must research the proposal.

Write the intro story for the intro chapter. Also a pamphlet about who I am… and what I am doing.

Who I AM:  I am a writer, an observer, a people person, a medical cannabis patient and ADVOCATE.

I am … A wonderful cook who has learned how to incorporate cannabis into several recipes.

I am the friend of a man who wouldn’t be on this earth if not for that plant.

I, myself, didn’t really live for several years while on prescription drugs, until I began to feel more comfortable about using cannabis, then I proceeded to get off them all except my allergy pills!

I am attempting to write the introduction:  TRIP, Cannabis, (divorce, families (pf))

                    Turned into commentary (keep LIGHT) on our current societal situation!!!

Who I am: Disabled, poor , divorcing husband who took everything… leaving me with FREEdom. Freedom to see the world.

SEE: I am loosing my sight on my upper left peripheral, as well as much sensation on left side (bruises and scrapes without realizing it) using a walking stick to prevent from too many injuries. It has not been explained to me why yet.

I long to see what I have never seen before I can not see. Before I have to rely on others to tell me what I should be seeing. Before I HAVE to trust.

There were so many reasons for me to go… there was not but a few small things keeping me back. It was as if God opened a gate and said, ”get your ass out there!”

So, Out Here… is where I am. Technically speaking (a phrase I heard describe the man who the train I was riding on killed. It gave me shivers!), I am “A Transient Person in her Forties”…. Wow.

My “self-proclaimed JOB”: meeting my Pot Farm neighbors. Asking them to show me the places that they live. Share with me the beauty of YOUR world.

I have lived in the Puget Sound area of Washington State for all but a few months of my 44 years. I haven’t traveled outside of a few day trips, including a few in the Redwoods for the Redwood Run, but rarely east of Spokane, WA!

I have never seen the country that I live in and  call home.

I have never seen this world. I am a strong believer in that the stranger that you say HI to could be your next best friend. I believe that some family is more dangerous than MOST strangers.

I believe that we need to look around, love our fellow human beings. Learn to respect ourselves and each other, as well as the world in which we live. I believe the more that we respect ourselves and the world in which we live; the more we show our love for God.

That is what I believe.

I am seeing the world through the eyes of the people who I know have ONE thing in common with me: they do not believe that POT is evil. That is about the one thing that I can say about anyone who plays the game “Pot Farm” on Facebook.

About 3 years ago, my daughter went off to College at the UW. When they were assigning room-mates, they gave her the information of her prospective roommates so that they could hook up on Facebook.

I had followed my teenagers to MySpace (having been a computer programmer, technology was something I actually had over them, until my daughter passed me in the dust with her engineering education at UW) previously, and it made sense that if I wanted to know what was going on in her world, I should follow her to Facebook.

While she was home for Christmas break from college, I made my first Facebook post. Now, two years later, I thank Facebook and all of the friends that I met and hold dear, for keeping me alive long enough to realize I wanted to live.

At that time, I couldn’t afford even a standard internet connection. But, I COULD afford the $15 additional that my cell phone company was offering to charge me at that time, for unlimited internet on my phone.

That 1.75in by 1 in screen became a porthole to life for me.

I had lived in bed since the pelvic pain and bladder symptoms made any time out of bed excruciating; my phone was an escape, usually MY ONLY escape from my dark bedroom, red curtains, and DVDs (couldn’t afford cable either).

In 2003 my bed became the only home I had. 

In 2005 I lost the home I raised my children in. 

In 2008: I found a REAL escape. The throttle.

In 2010 The best friend I have ever had showed me that there was nothing holding me back; I could do anything I wanted. I just had to want it.

Left my husband of 21 years, with just the clothing on my back… into ????  The big bad world.

People were so scared that something “would happen to me.”  Apparently those people never understood the life that I have survived up through this point. Most of that is saved for the book about ME… “No One Can Handle Her’, but safe to say that I lived on the street in Federal Way in 1982 at the tender age of 15. I am also a multiple rape survivor with PTSD.

Thank the UNIVERSE for Pot! Anxiety , PTSD, chronic nausea (hiatal hernia, GERD, biliary disconesia are a few of the sources of this symptom), chronic pelvic pain, chronically inflamed pelvic nerves leading to peripheral neuropathy & last but not least, IBS are the reasons that I use cannabis. Due to cannabis, I have been able to discontinue more than 7 medications that led me to using many others for the side effects. Thank the Creator for cannabis.